Tough Love

Another way to lay the foundation for leading your family to Christ is to exercise tough love. This does not mean that you exhibit a tough, gruff demeanor. Actually, tough love is displayed when, with great gentleness and self-control, you as a parent do what is best for your child and not what is easiest for you. Let me illustrate.

When our son was three years old, we had been to the grocery store one morning, and he had gotten a helium-filled balloon. He was having great fun playing with this balloon. However, he kept wanting to bit it. I explained to him that he shouldn’t do this because it could be dangerous if the balloon popped and some of the pieces got in his mouth. I added that if he tried to bite it again, I would have to take it from him and pop it.

Well, you know exactly what he did. He put the balloon up to his mouth. At that moment I realized that I was actually going to have to do what I had said. I didn’t want to do it! The easiest thing would have been to just tell him again and let him keep playing. Then I could get all my groceries put away. But because I love him and want the best for him, I also knew that it was more important to teach him through this.

Teach him what? One, he should listen to Mom’s voice and obey. Two, his choices have consequences. Three, Mom doesn’t give empty promises. So, I did the tough thing. I took the balloon and popped it. Then, as the tears flowed (his and mine), I held him and reassured him of my love for him. And the groceries still hadn’t been put away!

Let’s look at the spiritual implications of this illustration. First, as we keep our word, whether it is to bring a gift to our children or take disciplinary action like popping a balloon, we teach them that God is true to his Word. We are laying the groundwork for how our children will view God. Therefore, we have a great responsibility to help them understand that they can always trust their heavenly Father. And should we mess up (and we will because we’re not God), we must readily admit and ask for our children’s forgiveness, at the same time reminding them that God never mess up—he’s perfect!

Second, by insisting gently but firmly on obedience, we teach our children to obey. The way we train them to respond to us as parents will likely be the way they respond to God. John 10:3-4 says that the Shepherd’s sheep hear his voice and obey. Do we want God to have to raise his voice, do something drastic, to get the attention of our children? Or can he simply speak to their heart and they obey?

And third, by holding our children accountable for disobedience, we help them see their sin nature. Romans 3:20 tells us that the whole purpose of the law was to make man conscious of sin. Sinners need a Savior. The members of our family will receive Jesus only when they realize they need him.