How to Handle Conflict

by Rick Warren

My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19.

I’ll tell you how to deal with conflict quickly, but you’re not going to like it. The solution to conflict resolution is one word: confrontation.

If you’re going to resolve conflict, you must confront. But, you don’t have to confront in anger. In fact, you should try not to confront in anger. Lovingly go to the person and, then speaking the truth in love, deal with the problem immediately.

Very few of us enjoy confrontation. The only people who really do are troublemakers who seem to delight in confrontation. They love to go to people and say, “You’re blowing it!” That’s their thrill.

Because it’s risky and uncomfortable, most people don’t like confrontation, but it’s the only way to resolve conflict.

What’s the best way to confront? James 1:19 teaches three rules for confrontation. Everyone should be:

· Quick to listen,

· Slow to speak, and

· Slow to become angry.

If you’re quick to listen and if you’re slow to speak, you’ll automatically be slow to anger.

What are you listening for? You are listening for the hurt in that person. Hurting people always hurt other people. When someone is being a jerk, more than likely it’s because that person is hurting. When you understand their hurt a bit, you have a better understanding of why they do what they do, and you’re a little more patient with them.

Understanding always brings patience. When we don’t understand things, we’re impatient. When we understand them, we’re much more patient.